I’m Annoyed at Dumb Things that Scientist Research. No, seriously – I’m extremely irritated, and it really does trouble me when I read about the miraculous solution for treating chronic hiccups by a comprehensive rectal massage. That’s right – this is truly a thing. Back in 2006 this research proving that rectal massage is a cure for hiccups truly won the Ig Nobel Awards for Medicine. It might be just me, but I don’t think this is something that should be emphasized on. Sure, terminal hiccups can be a tremendous bother to someone who’s suffering from the condition but a Nobel Award? Come on.

However, this doesn’t even begin to describe the ridiculous things that scientists in different fields are actually researching. Let’s go a bit further in the exploration of frustrating Nobel-winning awards throughout the years.

2005, Fluid Dynamics Award – Chinstrap Penguins are Capable of Squirting Poo up to 40cm

No, that’s not a joke. The end-game of the research was to determine the pressure which is produced when penguins pooh. That’s pretty much it. This is a part of a polar biology study which began back in 2003 and it presents calculations on Avian Defecation. Well, it might be just me, but this is really frustrating. It troubles me to a certain extent because I’m actually pretty certain that there are a lot more pressing matters that need focus, especially in the fauna. So many species are going extinct or at least close to extinction and scientists are determining how far and at what velocity penguins poo. It’s absolutely ridiculous.

Ducks can Be Homosexual Necrophiliacs – Winner in Biology back in 2003

How does this sound for a change? So, the phobia that somewhere there is a duck that’s watching you isn’t ridiculous enough, but now you know that they could be both homosexual and attracted to other dead ducks. Not that this isn’t interesting, but the study went on for 2 whole years from 2001 to 2003.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m all up for discovery and interesting findings but in a world which is as burdened as ours, placing attention on absolutely useless researches of the kind is just… well, troubling. It displeases me to understand that supposedly renowned scientists are using grant money to research facts which have no relevance to our world and can’t help us in any way. It’s just not right.

And, the fact is that researches of the kind are obviously important, for reasons which are beyond my comprehension. So, with this in mind, I truly am annoyed.

Published in Science, World

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